Enough

That is it. I've had enough. I'm tired of buying the same disc over and over again in hope that I can play that stupid game again. I'm tired of losing. I'm tired of being overshadowed. I'm tired of not being capable to protect myself. I'm tired of being too weak to play a game of netball. I'm tired of being imperfect. I'm tired of being not enough.

I'm tired of being me...

So my dear blog, if by chance anyone passes by and sees this post and by that time I'm gone, they know why I'm gone. 

Sometimes when I think of time, I think about those tapes that can be wound. You know, those classic tapes. I used to play with those and wind it up even though most grown-ups tell me not to. I see no harm in doing that. Then I think of time, I try to imagine myself winding those tapes, in hope it can turn back and rewind. I don't like it now.

I liked it then, when the problems of the world don't affect me in the slightest. When the only thing I worry is missing my favourite shows on the telly, or drinking milk, or not having enough time in the small tub of water in the bathroom. Now I have to worry about friends who couldn't care less about me, games which I have to win, reputations which I have to earn, expectations to live up to, the whole world to please, being noticed, being the best in everything, being strong enough.

Don't you people ever think about how much I even tried? Did you guys think I didn't make an effort to improve myself, in my own mother tongue, particularly? Did you guys even thought for a second that I'm breaking apart inside? I'd like to answer that in behalf of you ignorant guys who can't even see an elephant in front of their noses. No, No, No.

I've seen those typical excuses made by most people. All those "You should be grateful with what you have" sort of stuffs. Those kind of excuses-slash-so-called-advices don't affect me one bit. So suck it up. You guys weren't there when I needed people the most, so why bother when I've given up?